Hey EVERYONE~!!!

I know i know i still haven't been posting alot but i have a really good reason why this time.. it's school.. this  is the week as i would think most of you know so i've been buzy with tests n cleaning out my locker n getting pics of everyone That I'll miss and everything...So yeah i've been buzy with that....and a bunch of other stuff I'm trying to work on my Senoir Project earlier trying to help get it out of the way early so i wont have to pull my hair out in stress from slacking n getting behind on it *pride beam* Haha~~ I'll already have my 3 recomodations and the Essay should be easy and i forget the other stuff oh yeah the scholarships n wat else?? Ahhh~! I don't remember.....It'll come to me later...But i'm gonna relax and wait to fail my Geometry Final See you all Later XD

And so we have reached the climax...

Of...the school year most of the time I would think a normal person would say this in the middle of the year close to the end but my climax is pretty much at the end... a week before the end actually... all this week I had to fight through the dreaded "Keystones exams" that were introduced to my high school just this year and trust me those things were NOT easy especially because on the 2 of the 3 tests I had no idea what I was doing... well I sorta knew what I was doing on the 1st test because it was Algebra 1 but it's been years since I’ve learned anything Algebra related in anyway and besides that the stuff they were talking about I barely remember and I already know I flunked that. Day 2 Tuesday was a new ray of light because it for one of my good subject English~!!! *Angel singing* Well on the test it's called Literature but I knew they meant English....so I blew through that feeling as good as could be and then it happened. On day 3/4 *Because this test in particular was cut into 2 days because Wednesday was a half day* Wednesday I had to go up again this new threat completely empty handed "Biology" I had no idea what it was about but a good friend of mine gave me a tip *Which didn't really help all that much* "Biology is the study of life" And I was ok? And he was like “That’s it" And I made this face on the inside like really?? That's all you’re going to say!!? REALLYY~!! After sitting working slightly falling asleep for about 10 or 20 mins then eating a snack n drinking water or juice then slightly working again I managed to get through both parts of the Biology exam but I know when school starts up again I’m going to have to take that and the math one over again...*Sigh* It was horrible I could barely read anything on the test it like the whole thing was in a language I couldn’t read it was absolutely awful… And today ends it all I’m finally free of testing…until next week which is for my normal tests the finals a review test on everything we should have learned in the class throughout the year which I know I’m going to pass in all my classes but one because 1 I’m smart 2 I’m a good listener 3 I’m a teacher’s pet  4 I took notes  5 I was present everyday so I know everything  6 I’m a good student :D So right now I’m just going to rest and get my mind back together it’s all over the place….See you guys later…

Upsetting Things....Really just plain bad jokes.

I go to see Hayfer after 1st pd right to go get the 200 club pass he said he'd give me from yesterday and the one lady I have no idea what her name is but she's one of the other teacher's sharing the room with him and I knock on the door and everything and she's standing near the door and she says no kids allowed in the room and I'm pretty sure she wasn't calling me a kid but I’m obviously not a kid, kids are in Middle school I'm a young adult to whom are which occupy High schools so I know she wasn't calling me a kid. And besides that I was messing up my sentences while I was trying to remind him and I saw a tiny look in her face that stroke me as she wants me to go away, but I had come to see Hayfer for a specific reason just like any other time I come looking for him. I came for 3 reasons today to say Hi, see if he was feeling any better and to get my 200 club pass. And then the stupid thing happened. She decided it was ok to say she was married to Hayfer for 10 years. Haaaaa~! I almost laughed but at the time the only thing I wanted to do was rip her in half even though I knew it wasn't true. I've been in that room plenty of times and I’ve never once heard a Mrs. Hayfer fly through the air only a Mr. Hayfer so I knew for a fact since the moment those words slipped past her lips it wasn't true but it really ticked me because I’m pretty sure all the teachers in that room know how I feel about him and to be playing with someone’s feelings like that. It’s not cool or funny. And Of course in actuality I just brushed it off by say "Nu uhh" And Hayfer replied with "Yes huhh" and that struck me really deep down because that means he was in on that cruel joke on me I’m sure if he was meaning to hurt my feelings by it but it did only a little but still it hurt all the same. And after I finally got my pass I was turning to say bye to Hayfer n I got a door closed in my face kinda loudly almost as if she were slamming it That really made me mad. I didn't care right then at the time because the bell had rung n I needed to get to 2nd pd so I just pushed the thoughts inside my back-bone n swallowed it I was planning on having a good day n getting that Pass from Hayfer was supposed to kick off my happiness but it turned out like that n it's sour n I’m not as chipper right now I’m sad n tired now...I wish I could go home...I dunno what made him wanna do that to me, but I don't really think it was a very nice thing to do as his friend I just wanted to make sure he was feeling alright I’d be sad if he wasn't feeling well. *Sigh* It seems everyone I know is getting tired of me being around maybe I should just disappear for a while...Maybe then I can see the smiles I miss. But what if that was his actual reaction to his birthday card *pouts* Noooo~ I wrote those messages from the bottom of my heart and if he doesn't me seriously then what the heck man~!! *Sigh* it's not fair...No matter how much I care for someone most of the time they just brush it off or ignore it all together...I know he's better than that though he wouldn't do anything to hurt me like play a cruel joke on me like that. If he was just being playful I could have enjoyed it more if it were strictly between tot 2 of us and no one else including other people can make it awkward and weird especial if that the person your including could possibly have ill feelings toward me. But if she's trying to come between us that's not called for I wasn't planning on ganging up on him or anything, sure I’ve thought about it dozens of times but I couldn't do it because I adore the way things are now I can live with the way things are changing them would ruin a lot of things for me. *Sighs* But anyway I need to think about what I’m gonna do later on like 3 or 4 classes from now. To get off topic 7 classes isn't all that much I mean depending on your grade you have a certain amount of classes before lunch and also depending on your schedule as an 11th grader you have 4 classes before lunch and hey would u look at that your days practically already over 4 classes in the morning 3 classes in the early afternoon sounds pretty easy to me especially if u have that 1 class you can't stand earlier in the day. Anyways I need to go cheer myself up; hearing Ms.Shomper teach in the background behind me makes me miss being in her class. *Happy Sigh*

Mar depressingly crawling on the floor Out~

Birthday Shout-out ^ w ^)/

Happy Birthday Hayfer I hope you have lots of fun and cool memories maybe even meet someone special or realize someone special~? I dunno I just hope you have a good, fun and happy birthday iI hope I'll see you at school then and make sure to smile for me too ok? Your smile really brightens my days did i ever tell you that? Your very special to me and I'm sure you know how I feel, and so the only thing I want is for you is to be happy and smile so that you can brighten up my life with your light too. Happy birthday *blush*


Watashi wa anata ga hijō ni aishi, anata wa watashi ni sekai o imi shimasu. Otanjōbiomedetōgozaimasu~

*put this into google Translate if you wanna know the secret message*

BEST FRIDAY EVEEEEER~~~~!!!!!

Happy friday~!! Today I finally got my glasses and I feel as if I'm looking through a brand new flat screen tv like fresh from the factory~~!! Thier really nice and they look really awesome thye half frames n my lenses are pretty thick but i love my frame so i don't really care how thick my lenses are thier not abnormaslly thick like bullet proff glass or anything but thier a pretty decent thickness. I can't wait til i get my skates then i'll b able 2 skate where ever i want and be able see everything with no problem....I think i'm gonna play Sims when i get and take sum pictures for facebook and Kakaotalk Aaaahhh~ 39 mins left til school's over I can't wait to get I get home i think I'm gonna go play sum puzle games til it's time to leave i'll see you guys later tomorrow i'm gonna make a birthday shout-out to my Angel :3 I'm sure he'll like it :D See you guys later

The guilt trip -__-

I was just talking with someone i'm sorta close to about my whole mom situation and she was saying that i forgive her, because once she's gone the guilt will pour onto me and i'll starting wishing that i should have done this or i wish i coulda did that and a bunch of other stuff. To be completely honest i don't want to forgive her. I mean i've been wronged to badly i think it completely and pretty much down right impossible. unless she can turn back time and change the future. Then maybe then i could forgive her and if she did change the future maybe we'd actually get along. But as of right now i couldn't gives 2 filling frying pans about her or how she's feeling. She never stopped to think about how i must have been feelings 18 long years with just a Dad my whole and no mom what so ever. "Well she was still thinking of you and your well being i'm sure she's not completely heartless she is your mom" Just because she's my mom doesn't mean that she cares. She could have just really really liked my dad and wanted to have sex with him and so they did that n she ended up pregnant with me and maybe she was either too lazy or she didn't want to scar up her body or do whatever she could have to get rid of me before i was born so she had me, preformed the ritual birth and everything give me the natural nutrients i needed and as soon as i didn;'t need them she took off to what ever she wanted to. What she wanted was way more inportant the her youngest daughters life, well being and future. I wouldn't have cared if i grew up to hore giving my body to who ever asked for it, or maybe if constantly have sex with people and end up with like 5 or 9 kids and left alone to fend for my self with all my children. Or what if maybe i ended up getting involved with drugs and i messed myself up. She wouldn't care. The only person that would really care is my dad. She couldn't possibly care if she cared even if she couldn't be with me side by side she could have sent money or maybe letters ya know stuff like that. but no just leave and be done and over with me. And when ever she does show up she acts as if she has the right and Authority to act like a mom and alls she's ever been was a dead-beat. i dont think i'll be put on a guilt trip becuz i have nothing to be sad about.