The guilt trip -__-

I was just talking with someone i'm sorta close to about my whole mom situation and she was saying that i forgive her, because once she's gone the guilt will pour onto me and i'll starting wishing that i should have done this or i wish i coulda did that and a bunch of other stuff. To be completely honest i don't want to forgive her. I mean i've been wronged to badly i think it completely and pretty much down right impossible. unless she can turn back time and change the future. Then maybe then i could forgive her and if she did change the future maybe we'd actually get along. But as of right now i couldn't gives 2 filling frying pans about her or how she's feeling. She never stopped to think about how i must have been feelings 18 long years with just a Dad my whole and no mom what so ever. "Well she was still thinking of you and your well being i'm sure she's not completely heartless she is your mom" Just because she's my mom doesn't mean that she cares. She could have just really really liked my dad and wanted to have sex with him and so they did that n she ended up pregnant with me and maybe she was either too lazy or she didn't want to scar up her body or do whatever she could have to get rid of me before i was born so she had me, preformed the ritual birth and everything give me the natural nutrients i needed and as soon as i didn;'t need them she took off to what ever she wanted to. What she wanted was way more inportant the her youngest daughters life, well being and future. I wouldn't have cared if i grew up to hore giving my body to who ever asked for it, or maybe if constantly have sex with people and end up with like 5 or 9 kids and left alone to fend for my self with all my children. Or what if maybe i ended up getting involved with drugs and i messed myself up. She wouldn't care. The only person that would really care is my dad. She couldn't possibly care if she cared even if she couldn't be with me side by side she could have sent money or maybe letters ya know stuff like that. but no just leave and be done and over with me. And when ever she does show up she acts as if she has the right and Authority to act like a mom and alls she's ever been was a dead-beat. i dont think i'll be put on a guilt trip becuz i have nothing to be sad about.