I'm bored guys :P

It's currently 3:45am when I started writing this. I've been up since 10 something this yesterday morning because I had work, I haven't gone to sleep or even napped or anything. I was tired after I got home from work, but I talked to my honey and we chatted for a it he went to sleep. And now I'm just awake watching YouTube videos and thinking to myself. I'll probably window shop on amazon in alittle while or possible go to bed finally after I eat something. I dunno yet. Oh yeaahh! I bought a flat ironing brush from amazon today I've been wanting one for months now. I think it should arrive in about a week or so hopefully. Once It comes it'll be doing a video on my first use of it on my youtube channel, hopefully it does a really good job, I'll be really crushed if it ends up sucking XD Anyways before my writing becomes completely unreadable I'm gonna go watch a few more videos then head to bed, I hope you guys march has been going well :3 See you soon !!

Currently...

Hey guys it's been a little while, I know I know. not a lot has happens but few things have changed.  I am currently kinda mostly sorta close to changing jobs , as soon as I hear back from the place I'll be in there and I'll be making a good bit more of money then I'm making now. Which will make me hella happy because that'll be one step in the right direction toward my new ultimate plan that I have for the moment. Which is move out of my dad's place and hold down a place with my bf. I know it won't be easy it's gonna take a lot of time and a lot of effort. I'm willing to put in the time to make this plan a reality , it's something to work towards. And I always enjoy working toward extremely rewarding goals. I'll just list a few of the many benefits and or spoils I'd be getting from this plan. One of the biggest and most romantic I'd be looking forward to is being able to wake up beside the person I feel really really cares for me and loves me deeply. Which is a really nice and calming thing for me, Were going to be hitting our 8 month anniversary soon. I can hear you now "Oh my god only 8 months you sound like your totally in love!!" That's because I am. I no reason to lie to you guys, I don't think you'd really care, but I don't like to lie unless it's completely necessary. Like right now it's not needed so I'm not going to. I've gotten to know my honey over the past 8 to 9 months and I feel deeply connected with him. Our relationship isn't based on anything physical so it's not like he's pleasing my body and that's why I love him so much. He pleases my insides but in an emotional way. I am a very emotionally attached gal, I let him know from the git go all my disclaimers and he decided he could travel down this path with me. Loving me isn't easy, I'm going to be a pain you may even come to hate me at times and may even completely lose all feelings you have for me. But if you give me time get to know me and my way weird ways and my awkward way of loving I promise it'll last a lifetime and you won't regret it. I know he has an idea of what the final outcome of our relationship , which is living a life with an awesome strong wifey like me *smiles proudly* He's so sweet to me it makes my heart swell with happiness. Anytwades let me get back on topic XD The 2nd spoil to this plan would be growing together even closer as a couple since we'll barely be apart from each other unlike the beginning of our relationship where we were part the entire time. Were in a long distant relationship. It can be hard at times but I think it's going smoothly, the hardest part of this is not being able to share hugs and kisses , plus the fact that either of our internets may want to be a douchebag and stop working in the middle of a skype call causing the connection to act werid and then we wouldn't be able to see each other which sucks. But we make due. 3rd would be being able to organize a living space with my darling. 4th would be being able to cook for each other. I like cooking and I like cooking for other people so yeah. :3 That's about it for right now.



If you guys wanna see any vlogs or stupid videos of mine head over to my youtube channel channel here!

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCp7T9DrCw1rvDLYI4wKqX5A

And If your in the mood to read some works of mine head here.

www.bluecreates.blogspot.com



PS. Kind of (?) I forget if I mentioned it but I've started a lemon water challenge and I've slowly started eating more green veggies namely broccoli because it's my favorite it's going well, I'm starting to see and feel small changes but nothing major just yet!!! See you guys later !

Making choices...

As a growing adult more then often I have to make decisions about all kinds of things. Such as my social circle. I don't talk to large group of people to begin with, but even with that there are a lot of people I know that I talk too. there aren't a large clump of people that go out of their way to talk to me. Because well I'm not really a social person. I'm like this for a reason. I've seen what can and what does happen to people who decide they wanna have large friend circles or social groups. Shit goes left and then there's no turning back. Me myself that wouldn't happen. The few people I hang with don't effect my overall judgement unless I'm asking them to help me decide on something. Not about nothing, nothing I eat, nothing I drink, Not what kind of clothes I wear, not who I date, not the kind of people I date,  how I talk, how I carry myself, what my hobbies are, what my interests "should be" , What is "cool", or what's "not harmful" or anything along those lines. I am only a sucker for very few and when I say a few I literally mean a few like 3 or 5 people if they asked me to do anything and I could do it I probably would. But with all that there's also the "so called friends" That care and only want the best for you and shit like that. Look if you legit do anything that I feels really hurts fucking hurts me you are done. If I see you around I'm not gonna talk, If you call me I won't answer, if you come to my house I'm not home. Like your all the way finished, I don't want anything to do with you. Your cut and with that being said someone I thought I knew said something that really didn't sit well with me. As you guys know I haven't had the most spectacular past 3 to 5 days and I haven't been in a real happy mood either. So a friend of mine I thought was confiding in me or was just venting or whatever is talking about how her pop is spending money on her and she's pretty much complaining about it. Oh I don't want my dad spoiling me that's my boyfriend's job, I don't want my dad spending on me and blah blah blah. I can't tell you how overcome with anger I was hearing this bullshit. First off this person IS NOT in any kind of relationship with anyone as far as I knew at the time. Thus the person spending any kind of money on you is yourself right? You wish you could have this, ooh you need that.  Yet your loving, doting father is completely willing to drop stacks and stacks of money to get his precious little pumpkin what the fuck she desires and you have the fucking audacity to fucking complain about it!!!? I was having the worse possible experience personally with my dad at the time, she knows this.....Yet had the nerve to come out of her mouth with that bullshit...are you kidding me? You throwing a fucking fit because your days buying you shit?? GEE I WISH MY DAD WASN'T BEING A HUGE D-BAG AND BE TOTALLY WILLING TO BUY ME WHATEVER THE HELL I WANTED!! But hey!! not all of us are that fucking lucky!! With that being said and to end this Rant. I'm done trying to get to anyone younger then me that doesn't have an adult lifestyle way of thinking. Childish, bratty, immature behavior like that I bound to make me blow a gasket and hurt somebody so, I do decide to reach out and get to know any new people they have to have a mature mindset otherwise it's a no go, we will never be more then just people that talk when were around each other. Sorry for this horrific rant you guys, I just needed to get this off my chest and now I'm gonna go do things that de-stress me and make me happy like draw, eat and write in that order.




I'll catch you guys later.    <3

Hello.......it's meeee~

Hey guys what's up , uhh..it seems like things have calmed down for the most part my dad hasn't spoken to me since his little outburst and he happen to order food all on his own. So um.. what I'm gonna do is continue on and keep living my life and I'll try not to bother him I suppose. I decided to start a fundraiser to help me get a decent ahead start on saving up toward an apartment of my own. I want to have my boyfriend live with me too but he's really worried about how much financial baggage he's going to be bringing when he does come to shack up with me. Which ya know is a concern but still, I'm sure if he takes a bit from my life style our financial troubles won't be too tasking, but we've both lived completely different lives so I'll take time before he adjusts to my semi-dirt cheap living style. I just wanted to give you guys an update, let you know everything was alright. For the most part anyway. I'm probably gonna watch my bf sleep for a little while longer before I head to sleep too, so I'll catch you guys later!






Also hey if you happen to know any wealthy people who need a place to throw their money send them here!! Any donations would help !! Please thanka you <3

gofundme.com/spqb2cv7

And then there's this....I might be homeless soon maybe, possibly. *rolls eyes* no?

I know there are plenty of people who live in single parent households and maybe it's just me but sometimes when your parent is stressing for whatever damn reason they like to take that shit out on you. I don't get how it's soooo hard for full fledged ADULT to find and outlet for stress like walking or running , perhaps even playing video games. NO! LET'S TAKE THAT SHIT OUT ON OUR KIDS WHO ALSO ALREADY STRESSING THEMSELVES , BECAUSE THIER CONFUSED AND SCARED ABOUT THE NEXT DAY WILL BRING. And oh yeah did I mention for those of us who are young adults that have to go through this , us being the outlet of our parents rage I mean. Were struggling with our own things like our first few jobs, money management, trying to correctly find a balance between wants and needs, possibly relationship trouble if you happen to be in one, school, like college also which is school too of course among other things I can't think of right at this moment. After my dad had this little fit he ran back into his room and I suspect he'll leave me alone for the rest of the night unless he decides he wants me to use MY COMPUTER TAHT I BOUGHT WITH MY OWN MONEY to order HIM some food online and have it delivered to the house. I totally have the right to say no, because not even 20 minutes ago you told me to pack my shit up and leave. So if you so called " kicked me out " why in the FUCK would I use MY technological machine otherwise known as a computer to order my currently fuming and unloving father something to eat when you can use your own two legs to walk across the street to order and get it yourself. Mind you this hasn't happened yet. This is just a thought. If it's not that that he's gonna be talking to me about later on when he's done fuming he may actually be serious about kicking me out. I doubt it but it could happen. But I hope he realizes how much he'd be missing without me being with him. I can only hope he'll apologize and just order some food for us and we can just forget that his little outburst even happened. I really hope he was just extra steamed rice (yes this was intentional for comedic purposes) and just forgets that he even said that or I will be extra SOL with a side of fries and it's not even funny. I'm not too too good at saving my money I have a nice little amount in the bank currently but that doesn't mean I can support myself on my own. I could bills on time but I don't make enough to pay like 5 bills at time every month. I definitely don't make enough at my current job.  I don't have any kids so trying to get  a place would pretty difficult too. Antywades I'm gonna quit dwelling on this and try to perk up some. Hopefully my fellow struggling young adults you have outlet for your stress that isn't other people to a bad degree. I'm gonna go talk to my honey and watch cat videos I'm really sad now, I'll keep you guys posted ok? Gn Guys.

Yet another....

Today isn't going to be good day and this post is going to be shirt *Probably a lie* I'm currently heating up water so I can eat some oatmeal before I wonder out into the cold to walk to work. Then I'll have to deal with the stressful environment created by my co-workers plus I'm gonna be there for 8 hours and probably not get my well earned break because were too busy. I was super pissed and tired yesterday because 1 it was valentines day , 2  shouldn't have been working, 3 I should have been home, 4 I was tired as hell and 5 my dad was sick. but even of I told them that my dad was sick and that I couldn't come in they wouldn't let me use that excuse more then once because they didn't have proof, but oh ho hoooo I could have given them plenty of proof. But I'm not super into recording my dad throwing up and shaking in pain, so I passed on that. I sucked it up and went to work. I got yelled at to stop complaining because I was too loud about it and the other workers could hear it. 1st of all I've been working here for maybe little over a month now and this fast passed environment is extremely stressful, I should be able to complain as much as I fucking want. 2 if you don't like me complaining you could always send me the fuck home, but no you didn't. 3 I have a right to free speech so if I wish to complain fucking let me. 4 my heels hurt ALOT. 5 I wouldn't wanna hear you complaining because your dumbass didn't even do anything, your poking around on the computer doing god knows what and not  helping around the place yet wanting everything done at once. Like just because your a superior to myself and the other employees in the place doesn't mean you get to sit on your ass all day and not fucking help. That pissed me off too because I was dizzy, I hadn't eaten because I rushed out the door, trying to not be late to this horrible ass place. My heart was aching because I was worried about my dad and plus I missed my honey like crazy. I think I'm just gonna start looking for something a little easier. If not maybe "possibly" going back to my first job. the worse thing I'd ever have to deal with were angry customer calls and piles upon piles of undone clothes to be refolded. I sort of regret leaving. It was for the most part a friendly and calm working environment and I got to help people, it was nice. Younger me left because of conflict but it may be hard to get back in now, but I dunno. :I Anyways I think my water should be ready I'll be back home in awhile and if I'm not totally drained I'll let you guys know how my day went hopefully it wasn't too too crazy. See you guys later. <3 :c

Update time you guyyz.

A few things have happened and well things are a teensy bit hard right now. well my dad is sick, my job sucks , my bank s merging, I found my first grey hair , my dad is sick again , he's throwing up and getting really sluggish I'm worried. I'm trying to stay positive, it not working that well for me. People a talk too aren't helping my mood either. Some people just never grow up , I hope they snap out of it before it it's late. I'm trying to get my pops back in working condition, because for the about the last 5 days now I haven't really been able to have any alone time with my honey and I can tell he getting alittle anxious, and he's trying to be supportive, but he wants to enjoy me but can't because my dad is sick and then he makes himself sad then I have to cheer him up and THIS IS BEEN NOT A GOOD MONTH!! So far. Things shall get better and if things don't cheer up then I'll just have to make a wish, I haven't used any of my good karma lately and I'm sure it's only increased which means I have more good karma to use. I just needed to let you guys know what's going on with me I haven't put up anything over here since last month, like literally last month. But ya know---- *hear instance wind whipping outside my windows* Grreeeeeeeeeeeaaat.....Did I almost mention it's STILL FUCKING WINTER!! Yeah there's also that. I need some sun ASAP no cold, no wind chill no 35 Mph winds knocking into building and shit. I just want some nice sun I can walk around in and look cute. Anyways I need to go check this ginger tea I'm making for my dad that will hopefully help him with this nausea he's been having for about a week now wish me luck and I'll be back with another update in a few days. Love you guys See you later and thank you for your support.