Wow this is about twice now -__-

Ok so me and my friend Bear were just haning out along with his best friend Raymond for the 4th of july n we all had an awesome time and everything went to mcdoanlds pranked sum employees then we all went our seperate ways ..today the day after i have comments of a vid i made on Facebook which is just of me walking n saying black people meet .com the reason why i said it was becuz it was the randomess  thing i could thnk too say and plus it was funny and ya know afew of my friend comments aww that was funny n wat the heck n this n that..and my friend bear was like yeah we were hanging out yesterday n stuff n my Sister asked "Are u an item" Like as in a question were the 2 of us n item n i'm like no becuz we aren't dating nor r we romantically involved were not were just friend's sure Bear has a crush on me but i told him a long time ago i like as just a friend. nad then this big arguement happens. Bear thinks he's getting used since my sister used the word :item" Like is he an item that i use or watever n that wasn't even wat i ment n he un-adds me on fb n Texts me n says he doesnt wanna b friends anymore n i tried explaining it to him but i guess he's too fucking stupid too understand..whenh she asked that she was asking if we were dating which were not...we r ONLY CLOSE FRIENDS U LIKE ME but the feeling isnt mutal were better off friends...I swear it like Facebook twists people's words around n smacks ppl with them it's just freaking ridicuous...but whatever i'm done worrying about that i have better things to do like regulate my love life.. my social life n my normal life -___- Lucky lucky mee~ </3

Hey EVERYONE~!!!

I know i know i still haven't been posting alot but i have a really good reason why this time.. it's school.. this  is the week as i would think most of you know so i've been buzy with tests n cleaning out my locker n getting pics of everyone That I'll miss and everything...So yeah i've been buzy with that....and a bunch of other stuff I'm trying to work on my Senoir Project earlier trying to help get it out of the way early so i wont have to pull my hair out in stress from slacking n getting behind on it *pride beam* Haha~~ I'll already have my 3 recomodations and the Essay should be easy and i forget the other stuff oh yeah the scholarships n wat else?? Ahhh~! I don't remember.....It'll come to me later...But i'm gonna relax and wait to fail my Geometry Final See you all Later XD

And so we have reached the climax...

Of...the school year most of the time I would think a normal person would say this in the middle of the year close to the end but my climax is pretty much at the end... a week before the end actually... all this week I had to fight through the dreaded "Keystones exams" that were introduced to my high school just this year and trust me those things were NOT easy especially because on the 2 of the 3 tests I had no idea what I was doing... well I sorta knew what I was doing on the 1st test because it was Algebra 1 but it's been years since I’ve learned anything Algebra related in anyway and besides that the stuff they were talking about I barely remember and I already know I flunked that. Day 2 Tuesday was a new ray of light because it for one of my good subject English~!!! *Angel singing* Well on the test it's called Literature but I knew they meant English....so I blew through that feeling as good as could be and then it happened. On day 3/4 *Because this test in particular was cut into 2 days because Wednesday was a half day* Wednesday I had to go up again this new threat completely empty handed "Biology" I had no idea what it was about but a good friend of mine gave me a tip *Which didn't really help all that much* "Biology is the study of life" And I was ok? And he was like “That’s it" And I made this face on the inside like really?? That's all you’re going to say!!? REALLYY~!! After sitting working slightly falling asleep for about 10 or 20 mins then eating a snack n drinking water or juice then slightly working again I managed to get through both parts of the Biology exam but I know when school starts up again I’m going to have to take that and the math one over again...*Sigh* It was horrible I could barely read anything on the test it like the whole thing was in a language I couldn’t read it was absolutely awful… And today ends it all I’m finally free of testing…until next week which is for my normal tests the finals a review test on everything we should have learned in the class throughout the year which I know I’m going to pass in all my classes but one because 1 I’m smart 2 I’m a good listener 3 I’m a teacher’s pet  4 I took notes  5 I was present everyday so I know everything  6 I’m a good student :D So right now I’m just going to rest and get my mind back together it’s all over the place….See you guys later…

Upsetting Things....Really just plain bad jokes.

I go to see Hayfer after 1st pd right to go get the 200 club pass he said he'd give me from yesterday and the one lady I have no idea what her name is but she's one of the other teacher's sharing the room with him and I knock on the door and everything and she's standing near the door and she says no kids allowed in the room and I'm pretty sure she wasn't calling me a kid but I’m obviously not a kid, kids are in Middle school I'm a young adult to whom are which occupy High schools so I know she wasn't calling me a kid. And besides that I was messing up my sentences while I was trying to remind him and I saw a tiny look in her face that stroke me as she wants me to go away, but I had come to see Hayfer for a specific reason just like any other time I come looking for him. I came for 3 reasons today to say Hi, see if he was feeling any better and to get my 200 club pass. And then the stupid thing happened. She decided it was ok to say she was married to Hayfer for 10 years. Haaaaa~! I almost laughed but at the time the only thing I wanted to do was rip her in half even though I knew it wasn't true. I've been in that room plenty of times and I’ve never once heard a Mrs. Hayfer fly through the air only a Mr. Hayfer so I knew for a fact since the moment those words slipped past her lips it wasn't true but it really ticked me because I’m pretty sure all the teachers in that room know how I feel about him and to be playing with someone’s feelings like that. It’s not cool or funny. And Of course in actuality I just brushed it off by say "Nu uhh" And Hayfer replied with "Yes huhh" and that struck me really deep down because that means he was in on that cruel joke on me I’m sure if he was meaning to hurt my feelings by it but it did only a little but still it hurt all the same. And after I finally got my pass I was turning to say bye to Hayfer n I got a door closed in my face kinda loudly almost as if she were slamming it That really made me mad. I didn't care right then at the time because the bell had rung n I needed to get to 2nd pd so I just pushed the thoughts inside my back-bone n swallowed it I was planning on having a good day n getting that Pass from Hayfer was supposed to kick off my happiness but it turned out like that n it's sour n I’m not as chipper right now I’m sad n tired now...I wish I could go home...I dunno what made him wanna do that to me, but I don't really think it was a very nice thing to do as his friend I just wanted to make sure he was feeling alright I’d be sad if he wasn't feeling well. *Sigh* It seems everyone I know is getting tired of me being around maybe I should just disappear for a while...Maybe then I can see the smiles I miss. But what if that was his actual reaction to his birthday card *pouts* Noooo~ I wrote those messages from the bottom of my heart and if he doesn't me seriously then what the heck man~!! *Sigh* it's not fair...No matter how much I care for someone most of the time they just brush it off or ignore it all together...I know he's better than that though he wouldn't do anything to hurt me like play a cruel joke on me like that. If he was just being playful I could have enjoyed it more if it were strictly between tot 2 of us and no one else including other people can make it awkward and weird especial if that the person your including could possibly have ill feelings toward me. But if she's trying to come between us that's not called for I wasn't planning on ganging up on him or anything, sure I’ve thought about it dozens of times but I couldn't do it because I adore the way things are now I can live with the way things are changing them would ruin a lot of things for me. *Sighs* But anyway I need to think about what I’m gonna do later on like 3 or 4 classes from now. To get off topic 7 classes isn't all that much I mean depending on your grade you have a certain amount of classes before lunch and also depending on your schedule as an 11th grader you have 4 classes before lunch and hey would u look at that your days practically already over 4 classes in the morning 3 classes in the early afternoon sounds pretty easy to me especially if u have that 1 class you can't stand earlier in the day. Anyways I need to go cheer myself up; hearing Ms.Shomper teach in the background behind me makes me miss being in her class. *Happy Sigh*

Mar depressingly crawling on the floor Out~

Birthday Shout-out ^ w ^)/

Happy Birthday Hayfer I hope you have lots of fun and cool memories maybe even meet someone special or realize someone special~? I dunno I just hope you have a good, fun and happy birthday iI hope I'll see you at school then and make sure to smile for me too ok? Your smile really brightens my days did i ever tell you that? Your very special to me and I'm sure you know how I feel, and so the only thing I want is for you is to be happy and smile so that you can brighten up my life with your light too. Happy birthday *blush*


Watashi wa anata ga hijō ni aishi, anata wa watashi ni sekai o imi shimasu. Otanjōbiomedetōgozaimasu~

*put this into google Translate if you wanna know the secret message*

BEST FRIDAY EVEEEEER~~~~!!!!!

Happy friday~!! Today I finally got my glasses and I feel as if I'm looking through a brand new flat screen tv like fresh from the factory~~!! Thier really nice and they look really awesome thye half frames n my lenses are pretty thick but i love my frame so i don't really care how thick my lenses are thier not abnormaslly thick like bullet proff glass or anything but thier a pretty decent thickness. I can't wait til i get my skates then i'll b able 2 skate where ever i want and be able see everything with no problem....I think i'm gonna play Sims when i get and take sum pictures for facebook and Kakaotalk Aaaahhh~ 39 mins left til school's over I can't wait to get I get home i think I'm gonna go play sum puzle games til it's time to leave i'll see you guys later tomorrow i'm gonna make a birthday shout-out to my Angel :3 I'm sure he'll like it :D See you guys later

The guilt trip -__-

I was just talking with someone i'm sorta close to about my whole mom situation and she was saying that i forgive her, because once she's gone the guilt will pour onto me and i'll starting wishing that i should have done this or i wish i coulda did that and a bunch of other stuff. To be completely honest i don't want to forgive her. I mean i've been wronged to badly i think it completely and pretty much down right impossible. unless she can turn back time and change the future. Then maybe then i could forgive her and if she did change the future maybe we'd actually get along. But as of right now i couldn't gives 2 filling frying pans about her or how she's feeling. She never stopped to think about how i must have been feelings 18 long years with just a Dad my whole and no mom what so ever. "Well she was still thinking of you and your well being i'm sure she's not completely heartless she is your mom" Just because she's my mom doesn't mean that she cares. She could have just really really liked my dad and wanted to have sex with him and so they did that n she ended up pregnant with me and maybe she was either too lazy or she didn't want to scar up her body or do whatever she could have to get rid of me before i was born so she had me, preformed the ritual birth and everything give me the natural nutrients i needed and as soon as i didn;'t need them she took off to what ever she wanted to. What she wanted was way more inportant the her youngest daughters life, well being and future. I wouldn't have cared if i grew up to hore giving my body to who ever asked for it, or maybe if constantly have sex with people and end up with like 5 or 9 kids and left alone to fend for my self with all my children. Or what if maybe i ended up getting involved with drugs and i messed myself up. She wouldn't care. The only person that would really care is my dad. She couldn't possibly care if she cared even if she couldn't be with me side by side she could have sent money or maybe letters ya know stuff like that. but no just leave and be done and over with me. And when ever she does show up she acts as if she has the right and Authority to act like a mom and alls she's ever been was a dead-beat. i dont think i'll be put on a guilt trip becuz i have nothing to be sad about.

Random thought #1 Comfy Shirts

I'm just sitting here in my 7th perido with my coat on n everything trying to get comfy and from the shoulders down my back barely reaches past my butt then it got me thinking i wish i had coat with a longer back kinda like a trench coat that reaches to the back of my knees that would be really comfy. Then i wouldn't have to worry about sitting on a cold chair at school if i happened to have it with me or a shirt like Iori's how the front of it is cut into pizza shaped and cut in half so it's set to each separate side of each leg n the back is whole and curved like the top of an Oval shaped door n it hangs alittle below the butt-cheeks *Tehee* That would b a nice shirt to have for school and not to mention it's a button up so it's totally within the dress-code ooh maaaan i would be rocking that shirt in diffrent colors every day it's only what *looks at time* 2:30pm right now n i leave at 45 I'm starting to get sleepy so imma nap n i'll catch you guys later Mwaaaah~<3


Mar Out~~<3

Today after school with my 27$ I'm going out to the colonial park mall with Bear to get sum pocky and Carbo water and he's gonna go and get some of those strawberry gummi candies he saw before i think they might be good they had kiwi flavor too but i bet strawberry would taste better. Anyway i cant wait i'mm eat like a whole bunch of them XDD Im gonna b soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Hyper i can barely sit still now. I did just get back from my 1st trip insode of the Captial it's really nice in there but some of the hallways are Extremely questionable i mean they practically scream rape i mean seriously if u were recording in there the picture would be dim or really dark to the point to where you could barely see antything the seats were alittle small n packed like they were made for little kids or maybe waaaay back then people weren't really all that big so they didn't need that much room well i know i did but i was cool where i was....they have thos really old evevators like the ones u see in the movies some times with the arrow dial at the top of the doors they had one of those and besides that inside the elevator was HUGE like maybe a small walk in closet. It was really cool but the whole thousand year old lights thing was kinda hard to believe i don't believe that and the Extra heavy ton Chandelears? C'mon i mean sure they look heavy but not that heavy as heavy as 2 baby Elephants and a Hippo? Oh wait let me tell you about lunch....that Pizza they served us was AWFUL Weren't pizza ive ever had in my entire life! it was worst then that one time i had Papa John's Pizza at target so soo many years agothe cheese tasted fake as show leather the dough was akward and tasted werid and the tomato sause ooh no if that was my 1st taste of pizza that would have made me hate Tomatoes forever that pizza was awful.....not to mention the Soda was ok....to say the least they were Soda's you know Sprite, Coke Zero, Coke Cola, Diet Coke, Cherry Coke and Dasani water even though that's not soda but you get waht i mean..i'm alittle sad they didn;t have any Dr.Pepper. The sights were nice at the top of the escalater in there it looks like a bright ass airport i lie to you not it was super bright and crazy looking it was werid.....but it was nice..the art was nice and calm in the rooms i liked the art it's just the small seats had me and those Creepy ass hallways...*shivers* Good thing it's over but all and all that tip was nice and i enjoyed myself i laughed alot....it was fun...i'd go again if i could maybe take Bya....but she probably wouldn't be interested she doesn't like being bored for long periods of time i can;t blame her either the Captial looks alot funner from the outside.....

OH! I Almost forgot~!

Hello everyone Happy Friday *Waves weirdly* Forgive my earlier post I was just really upset and angry but I'm better now because I remembered that I'm on a super awesome mission after school today at 6:00pm downtown at Harrisburg University I get to see if the picture I submitted into the Act-So contest for the NAACP  pushed me into 1st place in the Drawing Category and too 1,000$ In my pocket and maybe if it slid a little further puts me in a spot to get a free trip to and from Orlando, Florida~! To be honest I love my little town very very much I'm kinda like a turtle with a none portable shell I tend to want to stay home most of the time because that's where I'm most comfy and I like it there. Going far away to a big popular place like Florida that would be a big change even thought I'm not gonna b living there for the rest of my life or anything it's still a big change. I was thinking about it, how are we getting there are we driving or are we taking a plane who knows but if I do decide to go whatever way were traveling it better be safe. I was telling a few of my teachers about it one said well traveling is fun whatever opportunities you get to travel take them. I was thinking that in my head "Ooh travel soo nice and awesome relaxing, cute guys, adorable clothes, fun games, ya know stuff like that, but a few hours later or maybe even minutes I’m gonna wanna share the experience with friends but I can't because I’m not at home, Being Home-sick is Absolutely horrible but you know what's not horrible? + 1,000$ In your pocket, a smiling angel, Awesome sugary coffee, French pastry treats, Cosplay, Pocky, Roller skates, New slippers, Surprise Cake, New phones, New games systems, Games, New computer and or New Summer wear or Handball Merchandise!

Devastating news!

It's seems the rumor i heard was proven to be true that bastard is actually going out with that bitch i don't like. I leaving him alone for like 3 weeks and out of n where he gets another girlfriend. And he told me all that stuff about being the only person he'll ever love and stuff like that. why the fuck would u go out with anyone else of you don't love them did you wanna try her on? I thought that bitch had a damn boyfriend n i guess what i thought befor about him liking her and all that other shit was also PROVEN TRUE~! *Eye twitch* And here I thought another week from now I'd forgive him and he goes under and over me to do some underhanded shit like that. I'll talk to him on the 5th of next month but if he decides not the answer then fine that bitch is cut permanently <....< How dare he do something like that. Whatever i'll have to keep this rage pent up until the 5th of next month then i question him about it Oohh *grips hand* Ooh he got it comming stupid bitch!! God if swear if he tries to pull out some dumb shit he's completely done I swear. Like im not kidding in the slightest that bitch is totally done. I feel like some kind of igit I swear falling for a devious, ceniving, sneaky, horrible little shrew like that. I swear I  have some kind of luck in attracting werid stupid ass people....ugh..i guess it's in my blood >:I

Damn blood do sumthing right for a change!!!

Soshite sore wa subete no gasu ni agatta ( And it all went up in gas)

I didn't report yesterday because i had started to get into my new Sims 3 that i got the same day for my ps3 sorry for the gap in replies *bows* According to what I've heard the reason why we had such an "early dismissal"  is because there was a fire in the cafeteria kitchen and after a while of standing outside in 53 degree cold with a bunch of other people from my school staff and students we start to see bits and pieces of students starting to run-off. And as if on que everyone surrounding me starting moving forward as well starting run up back toward the school i thought they were all running past the school and running off toward the side as if they were heading in the direction of the ducky pond but it turns out they turned and the giant glob of students was heading back inside the building, since my Coat along with my art paper my umbrella and my book bag were in there I wouldn't dare walk home empty handed so i headed inside. Once inside everyone was scrambling around as if the Mist had just entered the area and the Seru had taken control of thier bodies (Legend of Legaia reference) I kinda laughed then i heard voices the hurry and evacuate the building it startled me alittle because i thought it was just a small fire and hearing all the comotion scared me alittle so i picked up my pace and started to my locker all though i did kinda take the long way around i came in the side door closest to the ducky pond in stead of turning up the hall toward my 7th pd going up the stairs then straight down the hall i went straight to the other side of the school as if i was going right to 1st pd at the very begnning of the day. I had ran past a few people and hussled slightly up the stairs only to tire myself out coughing and wheezing slightly i finished my climb up the stairs and around the ROTC hallway to my locker while i was there i tried to stay alittle still as i saw more and more students running past me with thier sleeves covering thier mouths and i got alittle scared and covered mine too even though i didnt sense anything out of order beside my heart beating violently through my temples, chest, collar bone, stomach, back and neck. I didn't smell anything funny either. But i still wanted to be cautious while i had gotten all of my things and headed outside to the front of the building i had been thinking of my wonderful angel made it out ok and wasn't and i hoped that he wasn't sad or upset because i would be looking for his smile the next day to help clear my head of things. After getting lost in my tiny daydream i stuck in my skull candies and started on my way home. I needed some Hp Restoration so i headed the Magic wok  to get from fires right before i headed in a saw Grey-man fiddling around with concrete inside of 2 crates and i was like "having fun ?" and he laughed i was teling about what had happend up at the school and  he told me it was a carbon dioxide leak after i had gotten my Hp item from Magic wok i headed up stairs and watched some videos on youtube as i relaxed and slept some hours away only to be woken up by the sound of my pops voice " What are you doing back so early?" i told him that there was a fire at the school and so they sent us home and he said "Alright you better not be playing hooky" I dont play hooky, hooky is for middle schoolers and besides that if i didn't want to go to school i'd just stay in bed save myself the trouble of having to get up in the first place besides sumtimes on half days my dad can't tell if im in my bed or not cuz of the way i sleep. Tehe
anyways after ward later on i had went out for alittle feresh air and headed out to game stop with Bear to get Sims 3 for ps3 and we stopped at msdonalds where while we in the car i found a new song to walk to after i finally returned home with my empty carton of fries a few hours later i had made sum Nu nuuz and started up on Sims 3 on my ps3 and i had done soo tell about 12:37 or so maybe even alittle later i don't really remember it was late i know that. And i finally saved my game turned off everything cleaned up and headed off to bed in hopes of having another day off but it turns out i still had to wake up early the next day :/

Betsu no sutoresu no ōi gakkō no hi. (Another stressful school day.)

I swear bitches in my school really need to check themselves i mean talking to a grown ass women like she's 2 years old is fucking ridiculous and not to mention utterly disrespectful i mean i dunno if these bitches care about their parents at home but damn they seriously are off the damn wall just straight disrespectful and even though none of it is directed at me it's directed toward old teachers of mine and i don;t like that aspecially because one of those smart ass bitches is a chick i don't like i really wanna punch her in the face and break her fucking face thinking she's all the fuck that shut the fuck up you stupid bitch....


Anyway....my getting sleepy thing is getting worse and worse i think today i tried my utter hardest to stay awake after lunch in Ms.Woscoe's but i really like crashed n i rally really tried to stay awake i dunno whats wrong with me i hope im not catching sumthing....or a sleep deprivation sumthing like that *looks* I'm kinda worried now i hope i'm ok...i should think about getting a check-up soon *Sigh* yeah....

Also If u haven't already Check out my 2nd Blog Bluecreates.blogspot.com My Newest story the Cross-over parts 1 and 2 are now up and ready for you to read and comment on also if u can think of any ideas comment on part 2 telling me what you would like to see in part 3 and i'll see what i can do. Hope to hear from you all soon

Now if you'll exsuse me i'm about 2 crash again.....

*Passes out*

Mar-Out~**~

Kyō wa daijōbudeshita ka? (Today was ok?)

(Scroll down for the English Translation)

Koko de, T kare wa byōkidattanode, kare wa hayaku ie ni ikimashitaga, kyō wa, watashi wa futatabi, nani mo tokubetsuna watashi no egao no gōkaku-ten o normla ga sukida watashi wa kyō kare ni atta N kare ga watashi o sugite aruita imi suisoku hontōni nani mo tokubetsuna kotode wa arimasendeshita. Sore wa watashi ga kanashiku narimashitaga, watashinochichi wa shōjiki ni iu to zenzen warukunakatta. Kanari nōmaru to sono hoka ni tenkō ga yoi purasuda sō. Shikashi, watashi ga hontōni iitakatta subete no thats suisoku. Sō sō watashi no dansei no yūjin ga hontōni karera ga hontōni issho thier inochi o shutoku suru hitsuyō ga arimasu kōhan no yō werid engi sa rete iru mō hitotsu wa, watashi wa shinken ni imi suru.
ここで、T彼は病気だったので、彼は早く家に行きましたが、今日は、私は再び、何も特別な私の笑顔の合格点をnormalが好きだ私は今日彼に会ったN彼が私を過ぎて歩いた意味推測本当に何も特別なことではありませんでした。それは私が悲しくなりましたが、私の父は正直に言うと全然悪くなかった。かなりノーマルとそのほかに天候が良いプラスだそう。しかし、私が本当に言いたかったすべてのthats推測。そうそう私の男性の友人が本当に彼らが本当に一緒their命を取得する必要があります後半のようweird演技されているもうひとつは、私は真剣に意味する。

Today wasn't anything really special i guess i mean i saw him today n he walked past me like normal again nothing special my smile wasn't here he went home early because he was sick. it made me sad but my dad wasn't bad at all to be honest. Pretty normal and besides that the weathers good so that's a plus. But i guess that's all i really wanted to say. Oh yeah one other thing my male friends have been acting really weird as of late they really need to get their lives together, i mean seriously.


(Not translated) Ps. I won't have all my new entries set up like this i just thought this would look nice on my Page so i decided to do this today i might change my Title to it's normal only in Japanese Wouldn't that look adorable? but u can always comment n tell me that would be a bad idea if you think so :3

Smiles :D

Today among most other days I'm effected and energized by a certain smile of someone i care for..Although his mouth just like anyone Else's to me it's a special mouth ;3 His mouth when i talk to him makes me feel like I'm the only person in the room. I was feeling down His smile would save me and bring me up again his smile is very special to me. When i try to come pair his smile to other ones I've seen his is then one i like the most *blush* I hope I'll continue to see his smile for as long as i live even if he doesn't marry me or anything it would be nice to continue to receive his support and loving caring sweet smile behind it all...I love that smile It's my favorite. *smiles over keyboard* I don't feel so alone when i see that smile I'm really glad i met him.



Mar Out~~<3

I guess i need to be more honest...Heh...Confessions Part 1

*looks over* Standing beside myself like this n watching all the things i've done n said roll past me like a ball down a slanted edge makes me feel said...and kind of evil...I feel like i've hurt alot of people....but then when i think back on it...they all hurt me too....

It turns out my Current ex bf Count is Now 11
I started Dating when i was 13 years old when i was still in middle school  Heh my smart self blew through 4 bf in the course of a year i guess i was super reckless back then..And when i turned 14 i met my Current Male bestfriend (And i know your reading this so i want you to know i'm sorry and i love you and thanks for everything you've done for me and i hope you'll always be there for me when i need  you) a Racist Jerk and a sorta good Friend of mine. (i later learn is kind of a jerk sumtimes too) When i was 15 i dated 2 guys online and i also met the guy of my dreams or soo i thought (i ended up dating  #10 for 3 years my 1st 3 years in highschool  we were really close then my cracks started to show n they drove him away , i tried to help us get back together but he kept telling me he'd changed and he wasn't the same loving,sweet guy he was when i 1st met him n the more a hung around him after we broke up i noticed it more and more and i secretly started to hate him but i couldn't shake my feelings for him not for a moment even while he was dating suome else after we broke up i kept telling myself he'll come back for me because we shared sumthing unbreakable n True our love for eachother so i kept waiting and waiting getting sadder and sadder as the months rolled by when i'd see him smile i'd think he was smiling just and only for me and i got soo lonely ) Then #11 Came along he made me feel special he'd spoil me make me feel like a queen n i enjoyed the feeling but i didn't want too forever because then i'd feel as if i'd let the fact that he did all those things for be the only reason i was with him and i'm not a user so i left and it turned out that he did wanna do more then just spoil me he wanted to be knight, my king my everything n i liked that abut him but i had a hole in my heart so i couldn't return his feelings he kept pursuing me afterwards he really really cared for me i had found sumeone that would chase after me but....i still couldn't do it...So i after we broke off we stayed friends i wouldn't want us 2 grow to hate eachother like much of my other Ex's but i don't refer to him as my ex he's grown to me beyond that title he's my friend (And i know your reading too cuz i told you too n i want u 2 know i love you 2 and thanks for everything and i hope you'll keep looking after me) After him i've had time to myself and i've been thinking about what it would b like if i saw any of my other ex's again what would we talk about would they even recognize me? Heh..who knows i guess it's better they forget my face and i fade to the back of their simple minds causes me less grief in the long run at least i know that a few of the apples i picked turned out to b good one that i can use for various things through my life and I glad for those apples n i thank them with all my heart. But i think i'm gonna close myself off from the Dating world til maybe next year or 4 years when i make myself Available to the world fully without a care almost *tehee* I do have a plan after all what do i look like another episode of teen mom waiting to happen? Get real ! Anyway it's getting late i should get to bed...Good night my little stars i hope u all shine brightly in your dreams tonight as u dream about your futures and the wonderful things they may have in store for you.

#Feeling Blissful sumwaht *Sigh*

Mar Out~

Good Night everyone~

Euphoria~!! QWQ

I'm in Mr.Edmond's room right now n i dunno why but my elbow is hurting like a bitch!! But that's besides the point this Computer I'm on the monitor is soo big not like huge but it *Decently sized* like this Monitor is soo big it's fucking sexy i love it I'm gonna b soo sad when 2nd pd is over cuz then I'm gonna have to leave this sexy monitor but then I'll hope we stay in Mr.Edmond's room for a while i didn't know we had these computers!! I guess this is like the "ONLY" place in the school with computers that's aren't ruined tattered or just plain fucked up n it's nice because the room is nice and quiet and the keys are nice n then n make that adorable click sound u always hear when you type if my elbow wasn't having a heart attack i would be able to enjoy this alittle more. Man Ms.Menegat I'm soooo glad your good enough friends with Mr.Edmond's that he lets you use his room like this we should stay in here for the rest of the year *looks at my hands as i type* Oh my gawd I'm gonna cry the way my fingers are glading across these keeeeeeeys DX MAn if i was thief this monitor would be in my house tonight!! *looks at the monitor in all it's glory* HOLY FUCK! And it's gotta webcam!! Oh snap Man this just keeps getting better n better i forgot why i even got on the computer i know it wasn't to write this at least i dont think so..Damn -__- I just got soo thirsty all of a sudden i think it's because i hear Ms.Menegat sippin' on sumthing behind me n i got like 3 containers of juice plus sum milk in my bag I'll drink sum but after alittle while not right now *Eye twitches* Wtf...why do i feel a head ache coming on i think I'm coming down with sumthing because this is getting freaking ridiculous~!! i had headache yesterday (or was that on Wednesday? I'm pretty sure it was yesterday now that i think about it ) n that shit hurt like crazy like om ohhh gawd that hurt DX Suuuuuuuuu much i thought i was gonna die but my dumb self had to sit on the computer for like 2 hours with my head still playing the drums and watnot n then i got on my ps3 man i swear i don't about my face or my head until the shit hurts enough to make me think I'm gonna pass out then I'm turning everything off i don't time or the Patience to be passing out even in my own house i..just..just don't got the time for it..
besides that I'm not sure....what else to say....I've been thinking about doing some dumb stuff n making a short little stupid webshow for Youtube that I'd do on the Weekends when Bya would come over so that way she could help me get sum views i like being views it's fun that way but since i can't hook my phone up to my computer n edit out the dumb stuff were just gonna half to include it n if the views don't like it that too bad cuz im just doing to for fun I'm doing to get famous i just wanna see sum positive comments thats all. I mean when u think about it when u do sumthing n you show it to other people wouldn't you want a positive comment about it " Aww it was really fun i loved it" Or Maybe " my Favorite part was when u were having a staring contest with that Banana" I might even do a fake little Challenge that me n my cousint made up like Random Object staring contest like maybe the fridge or my computer monitor then the Champ the milk...then maybe the King Kasuga Heiwajima i dunno dang thinking about all that got my brain pumping i need to draw something gonna go you guys but befor i do i just wanted to give my friend Mari her Props for making her 1st blog yesterday *Claps* I forget the Url for it i think it was Cookiemonster.blogspot or something hold on *googles* Nope can't find it I'll just ask her about it when i see her 7th pd *Sigh* Today is soo good to me This Awsome ass computer Ms.Wescoe's not here so that means not work 5th pd and 6th pd were going to the library o work on our 12 slide africa project which i took a hold of the easy part cuz my Partner Lisa tends to over work herself all the time but writing whole paragraphs and claims not to know how to make a summary pfff! Everyone knows how to make a summary how du not know how? HOW!!? *Sigh* Hehh..what ever just don't let that eyesore for 3rd pd be here plzzzzzz gimmi that n i can stamp this friday on my best fridays of the Year Chart *Which isn't real "yet" * Plzzz just...plz.... -__- Hungry...now....*reaches in bag for poptart* Nyaaaaa hungry !! Me go eat now i'll see u all later

Mar Out~

The people i hang with 7th pd.

I swear i hang with a bunch a chessy people...Mari is like the Craziest Rican i know An Leann i dunno even know if she's rican or not...but i had the 2 of them pick 2 characters from the disgaea 3 Team attack cut off picture i had n these two picked the 2 people Leann picked Princess Sapphire and Mari picked the Females gunner -__- These 2 are crazy i swear it's always nice having rthem around though \(^w^)/ Love u guys

Mar

out for the day~~

Today is......... (?)

To be honest i dunno what to make of today it's like 1st one thing n then a few mins later it's sumthing else. Like im in the library for the first time in a while on the computer so i'm like i should get sumt pics soi can have sumthing to draw off of when i get home so i print out about 17 pics or so n from when i was going back to my computer it sounded like the new Librarian aka The library notse was having a hissing fit -__- Don't try to get on my case because i was printing out sumthing it's obviously for a reason otherwise i wouldn't bother wasting the paper...i can waste other types of paper i'd only use print paper for either tiny wall posters or normal drawings other id just leave it b n let it collect dust.I mean seriously what is with her she seriosuly has some type of issue i mean did dhe exprerince some type of trauma while in alibrary n has took it apon herself to become a librarian to make sure itdoesnt happen to anyone else?? I dunno...but sumthing smells werid (not really but trying to  sound dramatic n funny at the same time n probably failed) Unless Ms.Saul has another *Special Asssignment* For me 7th pd i should be back and post sumthing else maybe about what im going to do when i get home or what i might do over the weekend. I hear it'suppose to get hot...I hope soo im still gonna b rocking my long pants n short sleeves but gosh Sun come back already i wannna go fora walk n make a cooooool BAckround photo for Facebook n for my Studio Backround*looks at clock* Well Looks like 5th pd is about Over so i'm gonna go i'll see you all later Love ya~~~

Mar Out~~* <3

Today is just werid.....

For sum reason today my tounge is just all over the place i can't barely talk i think maybe i caught a deprise watsa name thing on my way to school n now i'm unable to talk in 3 straight sentences without messing up n making sum kind of werid noise or silly sound. But it's COOOOOLLLLLLLLL cuz i have done what i set out to do which was keep my good Attititude and im gonna have fun after school im either gonna b chatting on IMVU or on my ps3 playing either sly 4 or gta 4 or maybe Disgaea 4. But on a side note today haaaaaaas been awsome ive gotten to see who i came 2 see today n i still have that uber cuddly feeling sitting in the pit of my stomach so when i get the chance im gonna cuddle or hug sumone \(^w^)/ Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~<3 I've also gotten to b close to my Hayfer-sama for 2 pd's straight today is a good day *Sigh* Just 1 more pd then the day will b over n hopfully Josh doesn't disapoint me again I'll cry i swear >.....>

Today i claim Thr-fry!!

Thr-fry is a thursday that feels like nothing but i friday to day i found sum good ass songs n im feeling good about that also my period if grief is over and i have new game at home to enjoy although i keeep getting killed i can play happy wheels or maybe like ive been feeling like get back in Disgaea 4 i miss it i think for Sly i only have alittle more to day b4 i complete all the stages n im kinda close to getting all the treasures but i just wanted to check in n everything ya know Hehh...and uh...my winter blister (i guess) Is almost gone :D Everyone have a great break i know i will *evil grin*

Life why do you curse me so....

Today at lunch i oractically snapped out im surprised i didnt like hit anyone on my way out.i mean i was really going through it on saturday with my dad n i text the one person who said he'd always be there for me. I'm extremely sad in tears and everything i text him and i get no answer.that was friday, the next day y know saturday my favorite cousint comes to visit me like she normally would on the weekends we have a good time then she goes home to her dads house i text him later on after she leaves still no answer then i text him sunday too AND STILL NOOOO ANSWER! So i'm like ooh...ok i'm guessing his phone's off he's gonna tell me that. Come monday today he comes to me all smiling, happy go lucky niot a care in the world kinda face "hey how's it going" Trying with ounce of my being not to spring up n ring his neck i simply turned my head away and told him im mad at you And usually when id say that he'd be all like "Why are you mad at me!?" But today he just brushed it of and said "Ok" And sat down in his usual spot waaaaaaay on the other side of the lunch table n i noticed on my way into lunch b4 anyone else had gotten there He's precious blonde friend Katie was at the table Giod i cant stand her so really i pissed off the moment i saw her i already knew what was gonna happen he was gonna walk in walk directly past me See her n get all happy like a cat with a pound of cat nip n be all Aww i missed you where have you been n this and that. And it seriously to my inner most fibers pisses me off!! I bet i fell disperatly ill and wasn't in school i bet only like 1 or 2 ppl would notice not counting any of my teachers. My Best friend Cosandra and Maybe Hayfer i bet if i was absent from school no body would really care but im always here n it's hard to miss my obvious face so when im not here you'd notice even though i like never talk. I mean he tells me all the time i want us to b friends and i'll always be there when u need me n stuff like that but when i needed you on friday in tears not knowing what to do at the very edge of the cliff of stress in my life ready to jump you were no where to be found My fantasies and the Men in my head that trully care gor me helped me through it while i slept so that i wouldn't wake up the next day walking around with the thought of Sueside running through my head. i hate it when ppl tell me there be there for me and when i actually do need them there not there to b honest there was only 1 person there for me n he's always been there well for as long as i've known him he's been there when i need'd him. i needed a ride sumwhere for a quick bite if he could take me he would if i needed to get outta the house for a while becuz i was feeling lonely he'd let me come over he's a really cool i know n i'm glad i met him. He's really sweet to me and i apreciate it and everything he's done for me. If there's anybody i can say has been a true friend to me it would b Bear :3 I love you buddy. Of all the ppl in my lifei know he is one person i know i can always turn too Has he makes my life alittle more bareable i guess thanks for that.

The usual plus alittle extra

Well right now i'm in my last class of the day which is my design for publications class it's pretty normal i guess becuz this smart ass chick that thinks she knows everything but barely ever comes to school a bunch of getto hood rats, gossip girls a new kid thats always getting trouble a quiet guy my 2 buds Liean and Marialezia and then there's me. Teacher's pet (althought i dont really do anything to be a teachers pet ) Ms.Saul is short, hyper, kind of annoying, mood swingish, <......< Likes to clear her throat alot like she's directing at some one which gets really annoying since she does it all class long and she can be a real pain and very talkative. This classis ok there's barely any talking besides in those rare moments when that one person has to ask "what are we doing?" Knowing thier not going to do the work in the first damn place any old way. personally i wish no one would ask that so i can sleep the whole class away and then school b over so i can go through my daily after school routine then go home n relax. Also the weather lately has been horrible. Besides the fact that i still dont have winter boots bugs because i have to walk around in the snow this slush across black ice and everything else in SNEAKERS!! n the bottoms r perfect for playing handball dont get me wrong but Snow and stuff like that? Rain is fine as long as the worlds not crying and there are like ankle high puddles everywhere then were cool were ok with rain but snow i cant do it my toes cant stand it my hands can't and neither can my face or me i just cant do it. I love the snow though just when im not ready like not having winter wear n things like that i hate it bcuz it ruins my clothes wastes time and just plain gets in the way. Anyway thought i totally didn't check or remember but i think this my first post for 2013 so far this year didnt start out horrible but March is really not that good for me stress is pullin' out all the stops to get me down and it's working i caught my self thinking about a person who doesn't care about me and doesn't want anything to do with me and it's got me all stirred up and angry n sad but i dont need to be thinking about that i wonder pop at home who takes excellent care of me n if that women doesnt wanna b apart of our happy lifestyle then forget her it still saddens be to think of the fact that you carried 6 children inside of you for 9 months each and screwed all thier lives up how could a person live with the thought that u completely ruined 6 childhoods i couldn't live with that the least i would have done if i had contact with any of them would b to apologize but this person doesnt even have the gull to fess up and do that. Pitiful..pitiful pititful person.....

See you all later

Mar~~ Out~\(^w^")/